Letter to
my younger self, on setting out to University
Well done – you did it! Be proud of yourself and enjoy the
moment: you will never want anything quite as much again. Try not to be dazzled and daunted by all the
silver spoons – you have won your place on merit alone, with no school or
family connections and this should make you feel strong rather than
embarrassed. Who cares if you don’t know
how to each fish on the bone or what to do at a sherry party? You have learned
other things instead – how to dance in a cool way, how to give the perfect blow
job. Later in life you will see these
attributes are just as important. Get out of those dungarees and baggy jumpers
and wear a bikini every day – you look amazing, so hold your head up and strut
your stuff.
You are full of potential so here is some advice on how you might best fulfil it.
- You have an inner voice that continually runs you down. Every time you hear that voice, stop listening and do something else instead. Don’t let these insidious messages get inside your head – they will hurt you and hold you back. Talk yourself up not down!
- Don’t waste years of good reading time on self-help books. You’re fine just as you are. More than fine, in fact. Magnificent, wonderful, gorgeous. Read poems, bury yourself in novels, learn another language – anything other than texts that help you find new things to fail at.
- Eat whatever you fancy and don’t worry about it. If you relax, your body will take care of itself. Enjoy all the delicious things that will do you good and don’t make food a way to reward and punish yourself. You’re a woman, not a dog.
- Your mum isn’t good at expressing herself, so try to work out what she really means when she says things that come out hurtfully. When she said “you’ve always been hard to love”, what she really meant to say is “I find it hard to know how to show love because my parents were really odd”. She loves you to bits – always has, always will.
- You won’t need to work as hard as your dad. Things were different in those days. Yes, he kept telling you weren’t trying hard enough, not stretching yourself, but that was at school, you weren’t meant to let that echo on forever. Know when to stop, know when you’ve done enough.
- Spend time mindfully with your daughters. Don’t take too long to learn this lesson, as the time flies by. Try to treasure the days, even if you might end up counting them down for other reasons.
- Don’t chase after men – save yourself for men who will chase after you. And walk right away from men who need to be saved. A relationship doesn’t need to be a challenge or a project, a mountain to be climbed. It could just be uncomplicated and good, you know. You are smart, kind, funny, sexy and sparkly. You don’t need to worry that you won’t be able to meet someone nice. The world is full of nice men – hold out for someone who will love you back. You deserve to be The Very Thing.
- You can’t make other people happy. They have to choose that for themselves. Hug them and make them cups of tea when they are sad, laugh with them when they are happy. And don’t believe them when they say you’re making them miserable or angry – they’ve chosen that for themselves too.
- Know when to quit. Don’t pride yourself on never giving in. It’s as strong and brave to let go as it is to hold on. It’s ok to walk away, to call it a day and move on.
- Accept help, and learn to ask for it too. You are in danger of chewing up time and energy battling away at things on your own when two heads might be better than one – or two pairs of hands. There are no prizes for doing everything by yourself – and people like to help their friends.
- Don’t spend too long realising that your motto “do no harm, but take no shit” does have that second element to it. Simply following “Do As You Would Be Done By” won’t suffice on its own. Recognise that not everyone operates to the same standards and behaviours as you. Don’t be afraid to call people out on their actions.
- It doesn’t matter if some people don’t really like you. Don’t worry about it.
- You’re lovely. You’re a good mum, a good daughter and a good friend. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Be the leading lady in your own biopic, not a bit player in someone else’s movie. That’s your spotlight, right there.
- Write. Read. Write some more. It’s your oxygen. And all the shit that happens on the journey, all the ups and downs: it’s raw material.
Lots of love,
Me xxx
