A research study has found that men from Stoke on Trent have the largest manhoods in Britain. I read this in the Daily Male so it must be true. No doubt it is due to the inhalation of kiln-smoke and a diet consisting mostly of pie. Bristol boys have the greatest circumference, but a short, thick thing is not necessarily what a discerning partner prefers.
Does size matter?
Well, hell yeah. Only men ask this question, insecurely, as they try to persuade us that technique counts more than anything else. This is a particularly foolhardy argument given that the majority of men struggle to remember they are supposed to do foreplay. Big news, boys - everyone's "technique" is necessarily the same, once you're into the main event. All that thought about the right position only makes a difference if you're big enough to be your own warm up act.
Perhaps I should carry out my own independent study, just to triangulate the results? I am drawing up an equipment list:
- Tape measure
- Map of the British Isles
- Notebook
- Suspenders
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