Film Review 2011 #04

"We thought we'd watch a film while you were away. Jennifer Aniston is my most favourite actress and we liked this film when we saw it on the plane.

"Actually we stopped watching it before the end and went to bed early. OhmyGOD that dog took a long time to die! We just got bored waiting".

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I told the counsellor it was becoming ever more frustrating to me that I seem to play a bit-part in the Great Biopic Of Him, when I really should have my own movie. I think every woman should have the chance to be her own leading lady (I'm sure I've blogged about this before, there's a cheesy line about this in that cheesiest of girl-films, The Holiday).

I then realised. Oh god. "I think I have become Miss Melanie, when I always wanted to be Scarlett".

"Why is that a bad thing?" she asked.

"Melanie is soppy. She gets walked all over, she thinks the best of everyone and they let her down, and she's all mumsy".

"I think you're wrong", said the counsellor, thoughtfully. "Melanie is strong. She's calm and kind. She loves her family fiercely and she is loyal to her friends. She recognises that everyone is different and she allows them to be who they are. She is happy."

I am still pondering this. On the plus side, Scarlett has adventures and some horny sex with Rhett. She is fearless and beautiful. But she is troubled and flawed, always convinced that the next thing will give her what she wants. And she ends up lonely.

Maybe I should be Rhett Butler? Rich, sexy and able to make money regardless of the economic climate.

Film Review 2011 #02 and #03

"There are no knights in this at all, except for a toy one right at the start. So it should be called something else. It must be hard to make an action movie when you are old like they are. I expect they get lots of breaks".

"Gosh. I didn't even know Steve Martin was French.

"Why isn't the panther in the actual film? He looked like he would be from the cover of the DVD but he's only in the titles, it's a swindle, actually".

Film Review 2011 #01

"So we saw this film and it was like, AMAZING. Although some parts were a bit boring.

"There's this guy in it, from School of Rock. Except he's not a teacher, he's like a postman, or a travel writer, or something.  And it's also about ginger-haired people, that Emily Blunt who is the the mean girl in Devil Wears Prada, not Cruella de Vil, the other girl. And her mum in this film is that Donna, the bride one from Doctor Who except now she has way bigger boobs. And actually she  is Emily Blunt's mum in real life too.

"Anyway the Jack dude has to go on a trip to the Ber Nooda Triangle, and a wave whips him up to a place called Lilly Pret, in the sky. And he is, like, MASSIVE! And everyone else is, like, really really tiny. Then they have a war but the bombs just, like, bounce off his chest? Which was funny.

"That's it really".