Errors of Judgement

The au pair had arranged for a romantic birthday dinner, just the two of us. Table booked, babysitting all arranged, everything.

She hasn't been with us long, not long enough to realise. Doesn't understand the lack of yelling and slamming doors is because we go to some effort these days (undiscussed of course) not to be around the place at the same time. I think it's working quite well, but the broken-hearted Sicilian thinks it's shame.

Even getting ready to go anywhere with him makes me feel sick with tension these days. I proposed a couple of outfits: No. Tried a couple more on: shake of the head. In the end, a dress, jacket, shoes and handbag were all deemed to be acceptable, although by now I didn't feel good in anything I tried on. At least I had the small satisfaction of realising that in my new red shoes, I reckon I was actually taller than him. Shame we would be sitting down.

Off we went. He didn't like the first table they showed us to, but fortunately the second passed muster. I tried to focus on being pleasant and having a good time, but every item I considered from the menu met with a frown. This was annoying as I had only consumed two SlimFast shakes during the day and therefore felt I could have had any of the light fishy things I'd fancied. No matter. I smiled and asked him to choose for me, since it clearly mattered more to him than it did to me.

During the meal, we had a number of conversations. I was encouraged to think about cosmetic surgery, again. I was told I was not as good at my job as I used to be. I was given some tips in how to fit my own activities more conveniently around his schedule. He told me about a painting course he was thinking of attending in Italy. I told him about the couple of days I planned to spend on my writing, but he was concerned I wouldn't fit it in to my family commitments.

I didn't fancy dessert, funnily enough, so we window-shopped for a few minutes then came home. It was warm, so we sat on the bench in the garden with a cup of tea. "You seem a bit quiet tonight", he said. "Have you had a nice time?"

"Just a bit tired", I said. Tired of all this, sick and tired.