If I had stuck it out with Husband # 1 I'd have just passed my 20th wedding anniversary now. What a strange thought - for many reasons. I don't feel old enough to have been doing anything for twenty years, although actually I've been running my business for more than fifteen so I guess it must be true. That first wedding seems a world away - I'm a completely different person now, and so, I imagine, is he. No wonder we're not still together.
But lots of people still are, aren't they? How many of them, do you think, choose to stay together because they have grown up and outwards in the same direction, and love each other and love to be together?
And how many are together for the children? Or, children up and gone, are still together through inertia? Well, these are the questions we don't ask. Facades must be maintained at all times, otherwise our nice middle-class professional world will implode.
My twentieth wedding anniversary should have been celebrated with the gift of China. I imagine after twenty years you've stopped giving each other decent, touching, personal gifts. Or maybe you are chucking so much china around that a replacement batch would be timely. Luckily I scored the Royal Doulton in my divorce settlement. However he got the cutlery so I had to wait till my second wedding to get some decent knives and forks.
I'd be in the run-up (miserable slip-and-slide?) to my 25th, my Silver Wedding, now. 21 years is Nickel or Brass apparently (so old now that you are collecting crappy fireside ornaments?) 22 is Copper (likewise, maybe a little pikey kettle to go on your hearth?) 23 Silver Plate (replacing your wedding cutlery, I suppose?) 24 is Musical Instruments (nearly at retirement, time to take up a new hobby?) and then your 25th which is Silver, as any fule kno. Maybe a trophy for having made it to a quarter of a century without killing each other or yourselves.
Are you gonna make it that far?
I of course am on the second spin of the roundabout, and only recently. Talk about the triumph of hope over experience. My first anniversary, which passed in the summer, was Paper. Since the whole shebang was prompted by tax and inheritance issues, and was therefore a business deal, how very very appropriate. My second will be Cotton. Bandages, maybe?
Taking me up to the Seven Year Itch (otherwise known as Woop!!! The moment when Child # 2 goes to college and I am free!!) we can celebrate year 3 with Leather (interesting....), 4 is Fruit or Flowers (see, giving in so early with crap gifts - banana, anyone?), 5 is Wood, 6 is Iron and 7 is Wool or Copper. Enough said.
Child #1 asked me the other day "Mummy, next time you get married, I will be your chief bridesmaid, won't I?"
I explained that I wasn't thinking of getting married again (oh so many reasons). "But you should, you really should!" she urged.
"Oh look!" I exclaimed. "I think that's a chaffinch on the bird-feeder". Sometimes it's best just to change the subject.
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