Times are tough for the working mums of Smallville. I don't know anyone who is isn't struggling more than ever to keep the damn plates spinning. Sure it's hard for the dads too, but a lot of the mums are on their own - and for the ones that aren't, that's not always necessarily a blessing.Having a man around the house whose career is not going well can be like living with an angry toddler. Worse actually - you can't smack them and send them to their room. (Cue Political Correctness Death Squad). Well, I guess you could smack them, but you're running the risk that they might smack you back harder. And they're already in their room, sulking and watching football or Dave or Red Hot Teenagers or whatever.
Don't be fooled into thinking he is watching TV and deliberately ignoring you. That's impossible, because then he'd be doing two things at once, and everyone knows men can't multitask.
Women, on the other hand, we like to pride ourselves on doing lots of things at once. Let me ask you this though. Do you know anyone who doesn't find that multitasking just engenders enormous amounts of stress due to not doing anything properly? (Properly. Oh god how I love that word).
So today when I received an email promising A Working Mum's Top Tips On Multitasking, I was excited. I and the other Scummy Mummies so badly need to know how to get more done in less time.
I've just re-read the Top Tips, and I'm still not sure whether this article is a joke. It's certainly a route map to a fast-track nervous breakdown. So if you'd like something a little more helpful, here's my current favourite cocktail recipe.
1 x tin of Red Bull (gives you wings, if you don't already have them on your panty-liners).
2 x generous measures of vodka (you know it makes sense).
1 x capsule of evening primrose oil (for the PMT..)
2 x soluble Solpadeine Extra (to numb the pain).
2 x finely crushed antidepressants (Prozac, if you like brand names in your cocktails)
Serve over ice in a martini glass, and sip through a dark chocolate straw.
There, that's better.
I think you're complicating matters unnecessarily. In my experience, a Tranxene washed down with good quality vodka (neat, of course - preferably 45% or above) does the job perfectly adequately.
ReplyDeleteMind you, not the thing to do before attending corporate events, as I found out to my cost more than once.