Outside Looking In

It's a feeling I used to have a lot. The one where everyone knows the secret and I don't. Things happening around and about me that I don't understand,  a joke and everyone is laughing except me.

I felt like this all the time when I was younger, so I'm in familiar territory.

Life is out to crush me at the moment. I keep on fighting, not prepared to go down without a struggle. But I'm not sure why. Every small victory, every hellish day got through, only brings me to another one.

More of the same, more of the same. And I get more and more exhausted. And at the end of tunnel is another tunnel. And at the end of that tunnel is a couple laughing in the sunshine -  but the girl is not me.